when to get marriage counseling

27 Feb 2018

When to Get Marriage Counseling

Couples are increasingly realizing the importance of Marriage Counseling and are utilizing its benefits to have The Excellent Marriage.  It is our philosophy that Marriage Counseling is essential to the success of every marriage, even if there are no apparent problems.  Our reasoning is based on the very nature of two people coming together and living life. This coming together or union can be the most difficult aspect, which can affect your marriage physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Even though the number of couples seeking marriage counseling is increasing, determining when to get marriage counseling varies.  Some couples seek therapy as a last resort or alternative before severing the marriage.  There are others who seek professional help prior to marriage.  Couples who prolong visiting a marriage professional can severely increase the lack of connection shared between both spouses.

Reasons Couples Delay Marriage Counseling

  • Instilled beliefs about keeping content within the confines of those involved
  • Marriage Counseling Not Culturally Accepted
  • The belief that “typical” love will overcome the negative
  • Feeling embarrassed about sharing personal content
  • Thinking the marriage will improve over time

Below are common times couples seek marriage therapy and some suggestions that will hopefully help you determine When to See a Marriage Counselor.

Timely Check-ins

A Check-in is an opportunity for one or both spouses to evaluate how the marriage is going using a professional therapist.  Any spouse can request a check-in which should be honored by the other spouse and not taken lightly.  The marriage may be going well but sometimes a spouse may begin noticing an issue that should be addressed.  Even small subtle issues can become larger problems if ignored.  The frequency of check-ins can be compared to the requested yearly exams by many medical professionals.   A Healthy Marriage is just as important as the Healthy Physical Body.  The Marriage, if not given the attention it deserves, can produce negative outcomes for the Physical Body.

Even if your marriage is going well and meeting both your expectations, it is important to make sure nothing derails your marriage.  Realize too that our marriage can easily drift slowly into the unknown if we aren’t giving it the attention it deserves.  At The Excellent Marriage we call this option Marriage Maintenance.

when to get marriage counseling

The Emergency Visit

Sometimes married couples seek professional help when they believe the success of their marriage is beyond their control and possibly in danger of divorce.  The focal point for these visits is to place the marriage in a less severe state where neither partner immediately desires to exit the marriage.  A tendency we notice is that many couples seek emergency counseling just long enough to heal the emergency but not long enough to resolve what led to the emergency.  What typically happens from there is a cyclical process of emergency visits.  Couples must get to the primary issue that continues to push the marriage to extinction.  We categorize this martial scenario as a Troubled Marriage.  We Highly encourage seeking outside help soon to prevent the marriage from ending.

when to see a marriage counselor

Pre Marriage

This is the option that best suit marital success.  With Pre Marriage Counseling you’ll have the opportunity to become better individuals.  You will also begin to develop a path towards your Excellent Marriage.   So many facets of the marriage can become plain or resolved before the wedding day.  With Pre Marriage you begin walking into your plan after saying I DO.  This doesn’t mean the path can’t change however having a starting point you both agree on is highly fortuitous.  The key here is not to become complacent or preoccupied in your married life, consequently forgetting the marital union.  Remember earlier how periodic check-ins are still important.

As shown above, the answer on When to get Marriage Counseling depends on the evaluation of the marriage by both spouses. Understand that your excellent marriage is obtainable but will most likely require some professional assistance.  Our overall goal is to push your marriage towards a more sustainable connection filled with unconditional love.  After achieving this goal you will be experiencing The Excellent Marriage.  Consider making Marriage Therapy an element of your marriage today.

Deona Frierson, LCSW

Licensed Therapist & Relationship Expert

Relationship Expert


Deona Frierson is the co-founder of The Excellent Marriage and lives in North Carolina with her husband David. She loves her family, spending time with her sister friends, desserts and helping couples connect in their marriage.



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